Funny
2010 Hot Topics
2010 Observations (So far...)
By Nicole Hanratty
1. It's now easier for a women over the age of 40 to find a husband than it is to find a job.
2. The "Good Life" has been sent a notice of abandonment, (even by those who can still afford it).
3. Dear Mr. President, Vegas is on our "Not Giving Up No Matter What" list, along with our hairdressers and home shopping network habit. Sincerely, The USA
4. Celebrity glamour is what it used to be.
5. Everything everyone says can be you-tubed, tweeted, facebooked, and blogged for all eternity to remember, unfortunately. (Our poor kids.) Read More...
By Nicole Hanratty
1. It's now easier for a women over the age of 40 to find a husband than it is to find a job.
2. The "Good Life" has been sent a notice of abandonment, (even by those who can still afford it).
3. Dear Mr. President, Vegas is on our "Not Giving Up No Matter What" list, along with our hairdressers and home shopping network habit. Sincerely, The USA
4. Celebrity glamour is what it used to be.
5. Everything everyone says can be you-tubed, tweeted, facebooked, and blogged for all eternity to remember, unfortunately. (Our poor kids.) Read More...
Histerectomy
October/27/2009 09:03 PM Filed in: Satire | Humor | Health | Women | Husbands | Life of a Rock Star | Diane Bittiker
Written by Diane Bittiker
Edited by Nicole Hanratty
Hysterectomy: removal of part or all of the uterus. Derived from the Greek word hystera (womb) with the former notion being that hysterical women were suffering from disturbances of the womb. (Hence removing the uterus was believed to relieve a woman's hysterical behavior.)
The ancient Greeks may have been masters at throwing the javelin, but when it comes to trying to pinpoint the cause of a woman's hysteria they were way off the mark.
Having just had a hysterectomy--I can tell you first hand--my hysteria is still going strong drumming right along side the Duracell bunny. If hysteria was supposed to be removed with my womb then my doctor didn't get the memo.
My hysterical condition was diagnosed a few months back. My physician said my uterus had seen its' days and I would be better off without the old plumbing.
Telling my darling husband (here on referred to as DH*) went well, (I suppose), if you consider "Isn't that an ol' lady surgery" a positive response. He is very funny that sweet man, maybe even hysterical. Read More...
Request Responses
October/05/2009 01:39 PM Filed in: Humor | Moms | Fun | Family | Husbands | Satire | Nicole Hanratty | Life of a Rock Star
by Nicole Hanratty
Over the years, I have learned that a wife and mother's job description really knows no boundaries. Whether it is wiping tushies, refilling kleenex boxes, cleaning up trails of vomit, making costumes, baking cookies, selling raffle tickets, purchasing gifts for random strangers or driving from here to Chicago in search of the right sport shoes, there seems to be no limit of what my loved ones will request of me after they spout the word "Honey" or "Mom."
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change hearing these terms of endearment for anything else in the world. It is the dragged out slow question forming ending to the word "Honey" and "Mom" that gives me pause. Here it comes, what will they ask of me next? Read More...
Closet Catharsis
Closet Catharsis
by Diane Bittiker
I have to thank you for telling me your theory on clothes. I usually go through my closet at least once a year but today was the most thorough I have ever been.
I have to admit that at first, I was hesitant about the idea of casting my dearly beloved articles of clothing into the newly designated empty donation "bag." Yet when I started to look closer at what I had hanging in my overflowing closet--keeping the "when did I wear it last" question in mind--I realized it was time to get down to business.
For starters, did I need three identical pink polo shirts? NO! Out with two of them.
How about the shirt with only a "small" hole in it? Gone. The shirt missing a button? Nope. The 1980s blouse with the wide lapels? The too small blazer that hasn't been worn for at least a decade? Out! Out! Out! Read More...
Buzzwords at Home
April/09/2009 02:31 PM Filed in: Humor | Moms | Husbands | Women | Buzzwords | Life of a Rock Star | Nicole Hanratty
The Time report on the Top Ten Buzz Words for 2008 got me thinking about how these popularized words are impacting my life now in 2009.
10. Topless Meeting
While no one has asked me to turn my phone off in a brainstorming meeting, my husband has strict rules for date night. I am not allowed to text, email, google or twitter, much less take a call. And while I would like to bring my laptop along for quick access to movie times and reviews, restaurant suggestions, access to information that would settle our debate of the evening, and maybe sneak in a blog post while he is paying the bill, my computer is not allowed along either. Some might call this Topless Dating.
9. Tweet
Twitter is at my fingertips 24-7 with my favorite Tweetie iphone app. I can’t leave home or climb in bed without it. My favorite function of Tweetie is the Nearby feature. I love to see who is Tweeting in my neighborhood. Just one year ago, I wouldn’t have even known what the Tweet was going on. Read More...
Spring Break 2009: Staycationing
April/06/2009 10:01 AM Filed in: Vacation | Holiday | Moms | Staycation | Humor | Life of a Rock Star | GG
Staycationing
By GG
It is a glorious, yet rare spring day: 78º in Southern California. The kind of day that makes residents remember why we live here...the kind that makes tourists decide to move here...the kind of day with no sports or activities for my very active family. That is what makes it rare. So rare that it hasn't happened in our always on the go home since November 2008.
When it happened in last fall, we went away on vacation. But this spring, we’re taking the ever-popular “staycation” and today we all slept in--waking up to TV instead of alarm clocks. We marveled at the idea of freedom: there was no need to search for cleats and uniforms, no ice chest to pack, no presents to purchase or wrap. This freedom allowed time to make breakfast in bed for the kids, served on trays filled with French toast, strawberries, bacon and love. (Ok, really they were cookie sheets designed to avoid powdered sugar & syrup landing on their beds, but it was still done with love!) Read More...
"How To" Refill the Soap Dispenser
by Nicole Hanratty
It's tricky, I know. You actually have to pull the top off of the soap dispenser to squirt more liquid inside. It takes a bit of effort but the rewards are spectacular! Once you replace the lid--Voila!--one press produces enough soap to wash a sink full of dishes.
Just follow three easy steps: 1) Remove top. 2) Pour more soap inside the container--we keep the refill bottle under the kitchen sink--and leave an inch or so of space on top. 3) Slide the pump back inside. Read More...
Life of a Rock Star Birthday
My sister Gina's birthday was this week and she has been kind enough to share with our readers what a real Life of a Rock Star™ Mom's birthday is all about:
• Get served breakfast in bed. Well, why wouldn't she wake up to her kids and hubby bringing her steaming hot coffee, crunchy toast and not over-cooked-with-a-dash-of-cheese scrambled eggs while she slowly awakens to the beautiful day? Maybe because her sweet hubby doesn't know how to push the 'On' button for the coffee maker--even though she had gotten it all ready the night before--and needed our Life of a Rock Star™ Mom to head down the steps to get the java brewing. "Oh honey, while you're down there can you just get out your special bread, (she has Celiac Sprue), from the freezer 'cause we're not sure where it is?" Then climb back in bed to enjoy your prepared meal. Read More...
• Get served breakfast in bed. Well, why wouldn't she wake up to her kids and hubby bringing her steaming hot coffee, crunchy toast and not over-cooked-with-a-dash-of-cheese scrambled eggs while she slowly awakens to the beautiful day? Maybe because her sweet hubby doesn't know how to push the 'On' button for the coffee maker--even though she had gotten it all ready the night before--and needed our Life of a Rock Star™ Mom to head down the steps to get the java brewing. "Oh honey, while you're down there can you just get out your special bread, (she has Celiac Sprue), from the freezer 'cause we're not sure where it is?" Then climb back in bed to enjoy your prepared meal. Read More...
Funny Signs of the Times
by Nicole Hanratty
Seems as if the financial credit markets have finally loosened up. Fortunate Southern California residents can apply for financial aid for... their hair cuts*?
Yes, times are tough and no one can get a loan to purchase a house, car or help stock their small business shelves but this is an encouraging sign that some aid is still available. Read More...
One Good Compliment
by Nicole Hanratty
Monday mornings are rarely, if ever, jump out of bed with a smile on your face days. Most of us struggle just to get our feet on the floor and find our way to the coffee pot.
Once we fill our mugs and start to wake up we face the reality of the emails chores and to do lists that must be dealt with for the day. We take a glance at the week at large and instantly begin to long for Friday already.
This morning was no different for me until I logged on to my computer and received the sweetest random compliment (Thank you L!) My negative mood took a turn for the positive side and my errands suddenly didn’t seem so humdrum anymore. Read More...
Bikini Season Has Begun
March/09/2008 06:58 PM Filed in: Shopping | Fashion | Nicole Hanratty | Life of a Rock Star | Humor | Satire | Weather
by Nicole Hanratty
FYI! Bikini Days 2008 have begun! And, from now ‘til October, there’s no other outfit I’d rather wear! I’ll be shopping for one cute suit for every day of the week and two for Saturdays, (one for the sand and one for late night hot tubbing!)
I know not everyone gets to spend their Sundays lunching by the Pacific Ocean, feeling the hot sun, refreshing breeze and sand between their toes, but I did today. Lucky me! There’s no place finer than Malibu’s own Paradise Cove to spend a beautiful perfect spring day. The overly crowded beach is a great reminder that summer is just around the corner. Are you ready? Read More...
Save the Socks
by Nicole Hanratty
Ah... laundry day. Fresh hot out of the dryer comes a clean pair of socks. One seems to have a little hole in the sole, the other doesn’t. Should you toss the whole pair? Save the good one in case you are ever in need of an extra? Or roll their tops together and quietly sneak them back into the drawer? (After all, a little extra ventilation never hurt anybody, did it?)
Before you judge, open your own sock drawers. Go ahead! Look through all of them. I dare you. I guarantee you will find at least one sock with holes in it! Read More...
Weather Wars
By Nicole Hanratty
It’s always fun to brag about the great weather that we have in Southern California to my not so lucky cousins that live with freezing cold temperatures, ice, sleet and snow! They are always jealous when at this time of year we are enjoying 80 degree weather with blue skies, while they are still shoveling out their driveways... Who needs seasons anyway?
I really like to rub it in by sending photos of myself at the beach, driving in a convertible, applying sunscreen, BBQing in the backyard, donning shades and even an umbrella to keep the warm sun off of my back! Read More...
Parenting Without Panic
February/28/2008 05:53 PM Filed in: Parenting | Nicole Hanratty | Life of a Rock Star | Humor | Satire
By Nicole Hanratty
It has to be said right off, that I am borrowing this title, “Parenting without Panic,” from a seminar advertised on a local high school’s upcoming events board.
Now most people would drive by a sign like this and think, “Very appropriate in today’s time. I might have to check that out.” I drive by a sign like this and think, “There’s my next article!”
So, without further ado, it is my pleasure to announce the winner of this year’s Best Example of an Oxymoron! Read More...
Catch Me On a Good Day
by Nicole Hanratty
I would love to tell all of my loyal readers that my life is fabulous every single day and that it is action packed filled with excitement and glamour. Even better would be to tell you all that I wake up every day with a brilliant smile on my face ready to tackle the world. Au contraire, my friends! Au contraire! My life is a polarized fusion of savoir faire and banality.
On any given day you could catch me doing any or all of the following in my husband’s self-envisioned french maid’s uniform: cleaning up the dog’s homemade special gifts left just for lucky me to clean up in the backyard; patronizing not one but three markets I’m required to frequent each week to accommodate the particular appetites/food allergies in my ingredient-challenged family; ironing extra crisp creases in the ever-looming laundry pile; restocking perfumed soaps (melangeapothecary.com) in the washrooms; tackling stacks of mail (i.e. bills) trying to organize my overtaxed desk; running four thousand errands none of which are for my own personal benefit; and carrying around my aforementioned dog who can’t stand to be without me for even a moment while I perform aforementioned chores. Read More...
