Shawn Klein Psychology Teens Parents Consequences Rewards Rules Child Development
Life Parenting a Teen
09/01/09 09:54 Filed in: Family Teens Parenting
Life Parenting a Teen
By Shawn Klein
Hello my name is Shawn Klein and I am a Marriage, Family Therapist who has worked with teenagers and their parents in therapy for many years. I would like to also share that I am the proud mother of one of those unpredictable and complex entities, The Teenager. I have had many parents ask me through the years for help in understanding their teenager. I thought it may be helpful to share some of my insights and a few of the most commonly asked questions that I have learned counseling teens
TEEN DEVELOPMENT
First, I always remember what a professor of mine once said while we where studying the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. She shared that while you are working with teens they can actually exhibit some of the symptoms of a mental disorder at many different times during their development. She then stressed that you need to be careful to really get a full picture when you are working with a teenager and don’t judge them by just one episode of difficulty. Right there, I have probably made a few parents nervous but I know that many of you have or will at some point look at your teenager with frustration and say, “I don’t understand you, what were you thinking and how did you ever think that THAT was okay.”
It is important when working with a teenager to understand that scientists have found that teenage brain chemistry is different than the brain chemistry of adults. According to Dr. Giedd and reported by Physorg.com in a study from the National Institute of Mental Health, an adolescent’s brain is not fully developed as scientists had believed in the past. The part of the brain that is not fully developed is in the grey matter which is responsible for the “brain’s executive functions.” This part of the brain includes, “the regulation of emotion, response inhibition, organization, long-range planning, and the ability to pay attention.” Giedd also stressed that these changes may cause teenagers “to take risks and seek new sensation and experiences.” So with this information and the fact that we know hormones affect our teenager’s emotionality, mood and physicality, what we need to understand is that our adolescents are still learning how to process, organize, feel and prioritize decisions while at the same time trying to understand how they can fit in with their peer group and feed their hunger for new experiences.
Now I would like to share some of the questions parents have asked concerning communicating with their teen or teenagers.
QUESTION: “How can I communicate with my teenager when she or he doesn’t seem to be listening to me or doesn’t seem to care what I have to say?”
ANSWER: Speaking loud (or lets face it yelling), trying to assert power or talking on and on with a lecture doesn’t work when wanting to communicate with a teenager.
First, the sweet child who loved to be tucked in to bed with a kiss goodnight who now barely remembers you unless they need a ride, permission or money, is DONE hearing lectures on your value system. If you have been parenting your teen all these years, your teen knows your beliefs and values. What should be happening is that your young person is given reminders of your value system and beliefs through the rules, rewards and consequences and tons and tons of praise you give them. Read More...
By Shawn Klein
Hello my name is Shawn Klein and I am a Marriage, Family Therapist who has worked with teenagers and their parents in therapy for many years. I would like to also share that I am the proud mother of one of those unpredictable and complex entities, The Teenager. I have had many parents ask me through the years for help in understanding their teenager. I thought it may be helpful to share some of my insights and a few of the most commonly asked questions that I have learned counseling teens
TEEN DEVELOPMENT
First, I always remember what a professor of mine once said while we where studying the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. She shared that while you are working with teens they can actually exhibit some of the symptoms of a mental disorder at many different times during their development. She then stressed that you need to be careful to really get a full picture when you are working with a teenager and don’t judge them by just one episode of difficulty. Right there, I have probably made a few parents nervous but I know that many of you have or will at some point look at your teenager with frustration and say, “I don’t understand you, what were you thinking and how did you ever think that THAT was okay.”
It is important when working with a teenager to understand that scientists have found that teenage brain chemistry is different than the brain chemistry of adults. According to Dr. Giedd and reported by Physorg.com in a study from the National Institute of Mental Health, an adolescent’s brain is not fully developed as scientists had believed in the past. The part of the brain that is not fully developed is in the grey matter which is responsible for the “brain’s executive functions.” This part of the brain includes, “the regulation of emotion, response inhibition, organization, long-range planning, and the ability to pay attention.” Giedd also stressed that these changes may cause teenagers “to take risks and seek new sensation and experiences.” So with this information and the fact that we know hormones affect our teenager’s emotionality, mood and physicality, what we need to understand is that our adolescents are still learning how to process, organize, feel and prioritize decisions while at the same time trying to understand how they can fit in with their peer group and feed their hunger for new experiences.
Now I would like to share some of the questions parents have asked concerning communicating with their teen or teenagers.
QUESTION: “How can I communicate with my teenager when she or he doesn’t seem to be listening to me or doesn’t seem to care what I have to say?”
ANSWER: Speaking loud (or lets face it yelling), trying to assert power or talking on and on with a lecture doesn’t work when wanting to communicate with a teenager.
First, the sweet child who loved to be tucked in to bed with a kiss goodnight who now barely remembers you unless they need a ride, permission or money, is DONE hearing lectures on your value system. If you have been parenting your teen all these years, your teen knows your beliefs and values. What should be happening is that your young person is given reminders of your value system and beliefs through the rules, rewards and consequences and tons and tons of praise you give them. Read More...
