Dog Flight 
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Satirical Commentary By Nicole Hanratty
 
 
Family vacations are always fun! They really bring out the best in marriages. Find me a couple traveling with children and I’ll show you a husband and wife who are bickering over the responsibilities that go along with it. Throw a dog into the traveling mix and I’ll show you an all out battle. Were it not against all laws of matrimony, the picture above would be of my loving husband asleep with his mouth wide open sitting on the plane totally oblivious to the world around him. Which brings me to the nice man who was, unfortunately for him, seated next to me and left to fill my hubby’s sleeping shoes. Our flight was destined to be eventful. My first time traveling Jack Russell was not happy with her little rolling travel bed as we sat on the plane waiting for takeoff. (Though mom was thrilled with the Snoozer Pet Roll Around purchased from Maxwell Dog - very convenient!) The man next to me was unbelievably tolerant and patient, as he himself has two Golden Retrievers he adores. He did everything he could to help me out as he could see the panicking sweat rolling down my forehead. He tried to use the Dog Whisperer quieting techniques, (which my dog scoffed at), then finally gave in and reached down to pet the dog. That instantly quieted her. The woman sitting one row back from me looked at her flying neighbor and loudly stated, “I hate dogs. Thank God I brought my headphones.” Oh boy...it was going to be a long flight! Since crouching down for several hours to appease my nervous dog was not a realistic solution, I opened the flap in desperation and stuck my foot next to her face. This violated every one of my own germ issues on so many levels but it seemed to help momentarily though not entirely. The whining continued sporadically and there was no doubt that although Ajay (my newly met seat neighbor) and I were trying to tune her out, everyone in First Class, if not beyond, could hear her whimper as if someone were threatening the termination of her lifetime doggy spa membership. When flight attendant “Bob” (a totally made up name for him) showed compassion and allowed me to remove my pup and hold her on my lap, (he first asked permission from the stranger sitting next to me to assure he had no objection or allergies - thank goodness he didn’t ask the woman behind me), I was grateful and certain that my sweet doggy would curl up on my lap and sleep the whole flight. I quickly opened her little zippered kennel and pulled her out of her cavern. I plopped her on my lap and closed my eyes intending to fall fast asleep myself. But intentions are funny things in my life. They are often unrealized and quite preposterous. And so the fated sleepless flight began... Now one might think that if I have the dog to deal with, that would leave any parental responsibility to my sweet hubby. Not so much. Dad turned on all electronic entertainment devices (Nintendo DS, Ipod, etc.) and closed his eyes to explore dreamland. We were left to fend for ourselves from that point forward. Dad was officially off duty. His vacation had begun. Mom and Ajay (was I traveling with this man?) were left to deal with the over stimulated über-intelligent JRT (Jack Russell Terrier for you non-JRT-owners) who was drawing attention from everyone who walked by and wanted to pet her to make her just a little bit more excited. When I had to use the restroom, Ajay handled the dog for me. Forget the man sitting across the isle from me with whom I had exchanged nuptials; he was nearly snoring. I woke him up and informed him, “I’m going to use the restroom but don’t worry honey, Ajay’s got the dog handled.” I pointed to the stranger next to me. My husband opened one eye, glanced at the man next to me and nodded. Let me remind you that my hubby had not met this man ever before in his life. In fact, I only got his name some time after my husband had abandoned me in Responsibilityland. But he was good with it and went back to sleep. Ajay and I looked at each other and laughed. After all, Ajay was a husband with a wife too. He had been in my husband's shoes before. He knew the hot seat that my husband was going to wake up and find he was sorely sitting upon. Fabulously it was a little boy seated right behind the self-proclaimed dog hater woman in perfect poetic justice who screamed without exaggeration from the minute we took off until well after we landed, who irritated the flight passengers and not my little angel. Screaming Boy’s Sister, (which would have surely been her name if she was American Indian), came up to hang out with my dog and me during the flight. After an hour or so, her parents told her that she needed to give me some space. I really didn’t need space, she was adorable, but some sleep would have been nice. The movie started, the cabin darkened and the food was all cleared. Finally my pup and I dozed off. I was just hitting dreamland when Screaming Boy’s Sister returned to pet the dog some more and wake me up to ask me, no joke, “Why isn’t the doggy sleeping?” Good Lord. Ajay found this very amusing. From that point forward, he took note of every time that I would just get the dog settled and close my eyes when the next passenger or flight attendant who walked by would reach out to pet the dog and wake us both up. He laughed every time. Well, I had pretty much ruined his flight, so he was due a little entertainment. The best part of the flight was when Screaming Boy’s Sister announced that she really wants a dog but her dad is allergic. Her father winked at me and Ajay from behind his daughter and let us know that this was just one of the Parenting Lies he had to tell to hold off puppy purchasing until his kids were a bit older. As soon as Dad walked away, Ajay explained to the little girl that you could buy dogs that have hair - not fur - if you have allergies and then her dad won’t have any problems. We also told her that Christmas was not far off and she should ask Santa for a puppy! After all, Santa always brings what you ask for... Screaming Boy’s Sister went running back to her parents to tell them everything she had learned. Ajay wiped his hands together brushing off all responsibilities as only men can do and pronounced, “My work is done here!” As the plane was landing my husband finally woke up. He introduced himself to my seemingly acquired Flight Spouse who handed him a business card and an invitation to one of the Playboy Golf tournaments he runs. Nice. The dog handed me six hours of grief, and opened the door for my husband to receive an engraved invitation to every man’s dream...golf and the world’s most beautiful women. Just then Bob came over the loud speaker. “The Captain has now turned off the seatbelt sign and it is safe to de-board the plane. Thank you for flying with us.” I assure you it was safer for some than others and there was no group hug. Au revoir for now...n 2008 Copyright Nicole Hanratty http://www.therealjackrussell.com/index.phphttp://www.snoozerpetproducts.com/catalog_travelon_collection_2.htm#Pet_Roll_Aroundhttp://www.maxwelldog.com/http://www.cesarmillaninc.com/http://www.nintendo.com/dshttp://store.apple.com/1-800-MY-APPLE/WebObjects/AppleStore?node=home/shop_ipod&cid=OAS-US-KWG-iPodBrandTerms-US&aosid=p202&esvt=GOUSE100392031&esvadt=999999-0-1005556-1&esvid=100157shapeimage_7_link_0shapeimage_7_link_1shapeimage_7_link_2shapeimage_7_link_3shapeimage_7_link_4shapeimage_7_link_5
Dog Flight by Nicole Hanratty
Monday, June 30, 2008
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